


In this life

by RenMuffins



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Bokuto's POV, Gen, M/M, based of In Another Life, this is kinda sad sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-02-25
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:28:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 858
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29699172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RenMuffins/pseuds/RenMuffins
Summary: Bokuto's last momentsOrBakuto’s final scene in the fic In Another Life
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou
Comments: 9
Kudos: 14





	In this life

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [In Another Life](https://archiveofourown.org/works/5096105) by [LittleLuxray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/LittleLuxray/pseuds/LittleLuxray). 



> Hey guys remember when I said I'd never write fanfiction again? I lied. BUT will i ever write fanfiction that's not about other fanfic? Nope. Let me tell you I struggled to write 700 words(Side eye's to my last 7K fic) but In Another life broke me and became one of my three day obsessions so ofc i make playlists and moodboards and scream about it to my friends. Chances are only two people a will read this but I couldn't get this out of my mind in bed so I hope yall like it!
> 
> DISCLAIMER: all credit goes to haikyuu and the creator and this is based of In Another Life by LittleLuxray please read it it's so beautiful and im in awe their writing is amazing.

Something was wrong. Bokuto felt wide awake and alert. People thought he always felt this way, but it wasn’t true. It was more like he was constantly tired, but could never truly rest. It felt as though he was holding onto his sanity like a lifeline, the only thing between the battlefield of his mind and the tangible things before him. Like a war waging in his mind when the world around him was silent. This was different. 

He glanced at the digital clock beside him, reading 4:52 AM, heart racing. He had the traditional clock removed a long time ago. The ticking noise drove him crazy to the point of imagining things. It was all new at the time. He would stay up all night, staring at the ceiling, listening to music, contemplating a million thoughts. Everything got boring after that, driving him to the point of insanity. Sometimes the golden sunlight would arrive in what felt like a mere 30 minutes, and other times it felt as though it never came. It was always so quiet though, too quiet. 

But now all Bokuto could hear was the sound of his wheezing as he tried desperately to catch his own breath. 

He might have known exactly what was happening if he had searched up his conditions, if he was brave enough. He hid it with bright smiles and cheesy jokes and laughter, but nobody really knew how  _ scared  _ he was. Had he finally gone crazy to the point in which his brain couldn’t keep him alive? Had his heart forgotten how to pump blood? Had his lungs just decided to stop working? He was suddenly curious and Bokuto hated every second of it. 

He knew deep down this wasn’t a panic attack. It was something else. 

And he was terrified. 

Bokuto tried calming himself down, but he was alone. He was scared and alone and  _ dammit he just couldn’t breathe.  _ He wanted Akaashi here, he always knew what to do. And his mind seemed to have finally remember one very important thing. The whisper of Akaashi’s snoring. 

_ “Akaashi,”  _ he tried turning his head to look at him _ , “He was still here.” _

Sometimes it felt as though Bokuto blinked and Akaashi wasn’t there anymore. Like he had suddenly dissolved into the world around him, seeming to have finally realized that Bokuto wasn’t worth his precious time. But he would always be there, and his steady heartbeat called for him everytime they were together. 

He tried to reach for his hand, to signal, something, anything to wake him up. He didn’t care. He didn’t care what it would do to Akaashi, to see him like this.  _ For the last time _ . But he couldn’t give it a single squeeze. He was paralyzed.  _ Come on come one just one finger!  _ He usually had a trick for when this happened. Start from the pinky finger, put all your focus on moving it. Work up from there, but _i_ __t_ wasn’t working _ . 

Without warning his hand twitched. He always found his spasms annoying, but he had just squeezed Akaashi’s hand. Akaashi sharply exhaled, and Bokuto paused, easing his grip on Akaashi’s long blistered fingers. 

Maybe the moonlight that broke into the room through the window and cast that eerie glow on Akaashi’s face was just another hallucination, but he really did look beautiful. And all he knew was that he didn’t want Akaashi’s last memory of him to be watching him be reduced to nothing but a corpse.

There were now silent tears streaming down his face now as he looked at Akaashi for this last time. He took a dry breath, taking in the smell of Akaashi’s hair.  _ Mint _ . His breath slowed down. Akaashi didn’t smell of hospitals, but rather strawberry pocky and the outside and  _ home _ . Because he was figuratively and quite literally, the only thing human that existed amongst the chaos. He knew that Akaashi was always thinking and thinking and thinking, but would never find the right words. He knew that there were some moments where he wanted to scream everything he felt out to the world, but could never find the right voice. It was painfully familiar, but it was enough though, because Bokuto knew Akaashi was a good person, and it hurt to leave him. 

He would hold this close. He would ignore the cacophony of voices in his head and think of Akaashi. He would sing of shadows and darkness, and the memories of midnight on his bed, because if he was going to go, he was glad it would be by Akaashi’s side. 

The tears kept falling, but Bokuto couldn’t think of another way for this to end. And Spirits he didn’t want to die. He had so many things he wanted to do. Play volleyball, step outside, see Akaashi’s smile, but they had promised each other hadn’t they? 

It took every ounce of willpower to speak again. 

“I’ll find you,” he whispered shakily, taking in one last breath, “In another life.”

_ “Good night Koutarou,”  _ Akaashi had said to him. 

_ “Good night Akaashi,” _

And for the first time in forever, Bokuto went to sleep. 

**Author's Note:**

> :)-
> 
> As always here’s the playlist that I still haven’t figured out how to link 
> 
> https://open.spotify.com/playlist/20TrWVCmoovt1PhSCA8aMw?si=9df5a3d9d49d4137
> 
> and scream to me on Tumblr I am probably screaming about this fic right now but most of the content should be under the haikyuu tag! Ren-Likes-Muffins xx
> 
> thanks for reading!


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